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Tuesday, March 16, 2010

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Friday, February 26, 2010

The Hypnotist Show

Have you ever felt as if your whole world has been turned upside down. Everything is a bit groggy. You don't remember what the **** happened the night that you went out partying? Well thats how some of the people at the bar felt last night.
  Your Getting sleepy your getting very very sleepy,  more sleepy now. You are so relaxed, so sleepy 10 times deeper is what he said.

                                                                    And when I count down from 5 your all fucked haha.
Everyone came to party so thats what the Hypnotist had them do. Blonde thought she was on laughing gas.
And when your on laughing gas your nose picks up some of the best smells ever.Have you ever showered with garnier fructis.There hair must have smelled 100 times better than that because I thought they were going to start eating eachothers hair.
But you know what. Maybe your nose is just more sensitive all together. Like your getting a wiff of something that came from a California happy cows ass. Homie got a nose full of that special sauce and didn't seem like he was enjoying it one bit.
You know what you do when you just can't get away from that nasty smell that just won't stop lingering around your nostrils.You hop in your ferrari and drive as fast as you can.
Just make sure you don't get a speeding ticket.Those policemen will get you when your going 175 in a 25 mile per hour zone. But its all good, just make up a good excuse. Homie just told the cop he was an alien and started speaking in an alien language. Works like a charm every time!!
You know that feeling you get when you get out of a speeding ticket. Its one of the best feelings in the world. It just makes you wanna dance. Hell why not do the chicken dance. Nobody is watching. Just the whole bar, haha.
Thats right just dance it off girl.
So after that Mrs Santa clause was pretty pissed off at Santa(the bouncer). Apparently she was working way to hard and he was a fucker and a lazy ass and thats just bullshit.

Little blonde had a pet "kitty" that she absolutely loved and it wasn't smelly in the slightest. Cause normally skunk kitties have the nicest odor in the world you know.
Until Mr. Hypnotist wakes you up for a bit and you realize that its a skunk that your holding. I wonder how much of that nice shampoo it would take to get that smell out of your hair.
The cute chick version of captain Jack Sparrow also Showed up for the festivities. She even beat up a few bad pirates with her amazing sword.
So after all of this crazy stuff going on it really makes you want to just light up one of the best spliffs you can find. I mean when did they start selling weed cigarettes that were so damn good. I thought people paid hypnotists to get them to stop smoking. haha

 The show ended up with some scary movies. 
        Some voodoo monkeys.

Some angry phone calls to President Obama and Paris Hilton.
Apparently retired Mrs. Santa Clause needs her Health Care and little blonde hates Paris Hilton and thinks shes a little bitch and a slut and she is a strait up cunt.
She may be a bitch whore but I think she probably has better runway skills than any of you guys that were being hypnotized.

I think The moral of the story here is we can trick our brains to do whatever we want to do.
We can be who we wanna be. Even if you feel like the times are hard and money is just outside of your reach....

You can always rely on friends, family, and your mental attitude. and no matter how tough things are out there. Just know that you can always feel like you have won the lottery. When you come to The Swallows Inn.

Just do us a favor. Make sure you keep your shoes on your feet. If you are too drunk to drive and you need to call a cab. Let me or any of the other bouncers know. Your shoe is not a phone.
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The Hypnotist Show

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Thursday, February 25, 2010

Karaoke Night

So I am going to keep this post very brief because I am busy building one of my other websites but last night was karaoke night and its was an all around good night but pretty darn slow. You people need to start drinking more OK!! But one thing that did stand out is the asian guy and the girl with the oldschool hair all poofed up singing some scorpions songs. I have to say they were very entertaining. I really enjoyed listening to them and they put on quite a show haha. But I will tell you what I am really excited about is tonight! There is a hypnotist show and I am definitely bringing my camera to capture some of the funny moments. I'm sure I will have some stories to tell tonight at around 3am so stick around.
Peace out my homies haha
sorry i'm in a hyper mood I love watching people get hypnotized haha

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Women and motorcycles

So it was karaoke night at the bar last night. Met a couple really cool people. This couple came in and I was speaking with them outside for a while about marketing and all the little ideas I have that would be funny to implement into bar restrooms. I am just itching to tell you guys my ideas but I know that if someone takes the ideas I have and runs with them they will be richy rich over there and I will be pissed. So I am going to wait till I have funds to put my brain into action. haha.

Anyway as I was saying I met this couple. Super cool couple. It was there turn to sing. The guy starts singing and had a really good voice. I was impressed. They were singing a duet. When it comes time for his lady to sing. Ouch! Somebody give me earplugs. This girl was the most tone deaf person I had ever heard step into that bar on a karaoke night. I have to give it to the guy. I don't know how he could take it because he obviously was anything but tone deaf and she sounded like a squeaky door.

So moving on later in the night one of my buddies always rides his motorcycle to the bar. I always see him with women on the back when he leaves. Guys if you are wondering how you can get a girl back home with you. I'm telling you right now. Get a motorcycle. Women love motorcycles. I don't know if its the bad boy image, the speed, the vibration on there you know what. But it gets them all hot and bothered when you get them on the back of that bike.

All in all it was a pretty slow night but at the same time very fun. Oh and I have the most beautiful girlfriend in the world now. Its now official. So I am stoked on that. If you see me with a huge smile on my face. Its probably because I am thinking of her.

Stay tuned for more to come.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

Happy Valentines Day!!

Tips for some of the guys that just don't get it!

Tonight was an all around awesome night. Great music. A lot of friends came out and were dancing the night away. But I have to just touch on a few things with the guys out there. I had a guy call his wife a bitch in front of me tonight. I told him don't call her a bitch. He said shes my wife. I told him even more reason to not call her a bitch and your not calling any girl a bitch in this bar. Now maybe its just me because I have 2 sisters that I am very close with but if I knew that a guy was calling my sister a bitch for no good reason I would beat the spit out of his mouth if you know what I mean. Another guy gave a girl his business card by sticking it in her shirt while grabbing the goods. Put the card in her hand asshole. It will get you a lot further. That being said guys, just respect women. It will get you where you wanna be and lets face it. If it weren't for women us guys would be lost.

The night ended with a guy coming back to get his jacket and handing one of the other bouncers a rose and saying happy valentines day bud. He wasn't gay he was just drunk. Haha

I am beat. Goodnight to all. Guys don't forget about valentines day. Treat your girl to a good night out.